Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
Memorable, Unique Vows You Can Cherish For a Lifetime
Declaring your love and commitment with vows you wrote yourself is an opportunity for a touching memory that will last a lifetime... or a disaster.
A few things should be considered in order to avoid cringing every time you watch the wedding video.
Make Sure Both Partners Wish to Write Vows
Writing your own vows should not be a contest or game of one-upmanship. Not everyone is comfortable saying romantic things in public; not everyone is skilled at expressing himself eloquently. To avoid disappointment or hurt feelings, be very clear about expectations regarding vows-will they be spoken, sung, long, short, matter-of-fact or in rhyme? Be sensitive to the fact that your partner might wish to be lower-key.
Mine Traditional Vows for Ideas
There's a reason you are avoiding traditional vows. Write down what you like and dislike about 'standard' wedding vows, in order to have a clearer idea of what you want your own vows to look like. Do you object to religious elements, expectations of gender roles, archaic language, or simply the fact that the vows were written by someone else? Are there any elements you would like to carry over into your vows!
Investigating vows from other cultures is a good way to glean ideas. You may end up deciding to go with a traditional Celtic or Indian vow, or you may simply find a few phrases you like.
Be Creative
Despite being perhaps the most sacred part of the ceremony, vows are not legally required. They are distinct from declaration of intent-the 'I dos' – and even omitting them entirely will have no legal effect on your marriage. This allows for a great deal of freedom in the vows. They could be a poem, a quote from your favourite book, even a line from a movie. Vows are a promise of commitment-beyond that, there are few constraints.
Don't be Funny
There is plenty of room for humour in a wedding ceremony; however, it is generally accepted that reciting your vows should be a solemn and heartfelt moment. Again, communication about this issue is vital; a partner who has expended a great deal of effort in writing loving, tender vows may feel hurt or disappointed if her partner's vows are flippant. 'You've seen me at my best and worst' is appropriate-references to morning sickess, hangovers or acne are not.
Save Making a Speech for the Speech
Wedding speeches and toasts are an excellent place to put all the things you can't fit into your vows. Vows should be short and sweet; they should not be a laundry list of the other partner's good qualities, or a potted history of your relationship. If you're having trouble narrowing the focus, remember that 'vow' is a synonym for 'promise' and eliminate anything which is not part of your promise. Try to keep your vows short enough that you can say them from memory.
Don't Extemporise
It is immediately obvious when the bride or groom has left writing the vows until the last minute, hoping inspiration will strike. Speaking fluently in public is difficult for most people, and while a little awkwardness is charming, stuttering and making things up on the spot is not. Write your vows early, and practice saying them out loud. Some sentiments look fine on paper, but sound florid or cheesy when spoken aloud. If you're brave enough, ask the opinion of a friend.
Write For Your Partner
Above all, remember that your vows are not a performance. Weddings are tricky occasions, in which the presence of the guests must be respected, while at the same time the focus should be intimate and personal. Visualise your partner as you write and practice your vows, and remember that you are not talking about 'Love' in a general, hypothetical sense, but making a promise to your beloved.
